I was sleeping quite well when the phone rang at 5am. As a mother whose children are grown and no longer live at home, I instinctively answered the phone while looking at the clock - alarmed that it WAS 5 am. I barely registered the caller id #, and will never make that mistake again. Yes it was someone I had spoken with previously, always however, about rather inane stuff. You know - the people on FB, a joke that was actually funny, sometimes he would wane into talking about his past, or his hip surgeries - always, I maintained that friendly distance of listener and if requested, advisor mode. This phone call was different and as the day progressed I became angrier and angrier. Not only at him, but at the almost inept ability of myself to truly Stand Up. For you see, he was aroused. And he must have been in an altered state of consciousness, for I cannot recall ever giving this person the impression that I was "that kind of interested". He mumbled about what his request was, and I quite frankly laughed out loud at him and asked him what on earth gave him the idea that I would be interested in that ??? The point is, for me ... that I told him off so Politely, that he actually called back. And I answered with "WHAT?" so he hung up. I went back to sleep. Later though, after much deliberation about the matter and kicking myself for being so dang POLITE, I wrote him and told him to Never Ever Call me Again and to delete my number from his directory. I also wrote this:
To say that I am highly offended, the more I think about the extent of the suggestions in your conversation, is an understatement. Friendships are built on Trust, Respect and Dignity. I wonder where they were when you called ?
Let me be clear about this. I did not expect, desire, nor relate to him in any conversation that I was interested in participating in sexual acts with this man. I felt violated. And do not for a minute think I am minimizing what a true physical violation is. But my privacy, my sleep, my comfort as a mom - all of this was taken from me by someone aroused and high. And my response was to laugh at his suggestions, question his motives, and reduce him to tears because what I said was frankly insightful and painful. Really ??? No Woman deserves to be called and solicited, unless She wants it and there is an agreement for that to occur between the two parties involved. When, WHEN will society and men recognize that women are intelligent, sentient beings, evolved and globally aware; that we have value and worth and contribute in priceless ways to the lives of our family, our careers, our friends. We are NOT secondary citizens at the beck and call of the whims of someone who oversteps the boundaries of propriety. I am most angry at myself for not cutting loose and just laying into him, so that he never thinks it acceptable to do this to anyone else. I am most angry that I seem to have a blockage against raging out verbally against people who presume to think they have the upper hand over me, and want to control my actions.
Today in the news, I read that in Afghanistan where arranged marriages, and I suppose the rape of women at whim, is the norm and has been for ancestral ages ... that two young people actually find themselves in love with each other - and the result is , that this love is outside of the "norm" and therefore , the father of the young lady says to murder both of them. WHAT ?????????? Is our world suddenly spinning backwards, and taking womens' rights with it. Segue here " I DO know about the lack of civil rights and womens rights in the middle east " I am using this by example. I thought that we had really come a long long distance in America, to respect women and to not violate their space, just because someone is a man with a manhood that needs some attention ..... this Truly Upsets me. If and when I want to have an intimate relationship with someone, it will be when I am ready and willing to, and when he and I have developed a friendship that supports and sustains that intimacy. I WILL NOT prostitute myself. No Woman Should. And dammit, No Man should expect that either.
