A PERFECT PEARL OF PEACE

 By John Lowe

Fear not all the wars and religious hate
That so many seem to precipitate

Fear not freedoms lost or the genocide
That seem to infect the lesser inclined

Fear not politics that creates division
By those who just lack the greater vision

Fear not the darkness that seems to abound
In every corner and in every sound

They’re just irritants like the grain of sand
Round which the oyster creates something grand

For like the oyster they serve to awake
The creative spirit that just awaits

For just the perfect opportunity
To express itself in humanity

For in their place when hostilities cease
We shall craft a perfect pearl of peace


~~ I have lost track of how many times I have listened to Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata as I write this ... I truly fear there will never be a perfect pearl of peace.   I lost someone , and in losing Him, others lost Him as well.  Others I had never known before Him.  Some still remain and I truly am not sure now how to respond to that.  It is not a matter of pride or remorse, more a matter of temperament.

When I realized I loved him, I pushed it away and tucked it aside.  I shoved it under the books, the clothes, and inside the clogs - I had no time nor less the energy to face on the emotions.  For how could I love someone I had never met.

Oh dearest Divine, why did graduation sneak up on me and then suddenly, I found myself casting about ...... first to deal with the exorbitant heatwave; then the failure of the HvAC system ( thank you so much ); then once that was replaced and all the crap blew through the house and all of us got so sick.   Then to study  and as I studied everything seemed to exponentially aggregate and I kept losing myself in the momentum ... my solace was here and there.   I felt I belonged, that I had friends, that I was wanted for that which I could provide by way of sharing the insight of others.   That in and of itself is so false.  The solace can be found of its own accord.  I can get lost in my own melancholy; my own denouement; my own swan lake; my own Beethoven.  I can certainly find peace in my own mantra - you gave me that 35 years ago - can you believe it has been that long ???

I know you love me.  I know I believe in you.  I am so very sorry that I cannot say the same for mankind.   I know there is a reason you brought me back - and help me to understand, because I am failing to see the roadsigns, the signposts, the message ..... I accept a solitary path, I truly do.  The compass spins 360 and settles nowhere, not even on true and yet, yet, I believe in You.   It is absolutely okay with me to venture forward alone with the furbabies, yet I have no signs, no markers, no painted slashes upon the forest to know which path to take, which way to go ???

I am so sorry in advance or in retrospect for any , ANY, pain I have caused any one of your children.  I never meant to - I know I lashed out from ego - two times ? Three ?  How many Hail Mary's will that require ?  I just know that we all are unsettled, or they are feeling my unsettled, and I need you, more than ever, I truly Really need your divine guidance, ministration and advocacy.  Please with all my love

SS's first recital  ~~~  I know she was flawless ~~~ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W2N5iyQuFWI&feature=share