"Sometimes fate is like a small sandstorm that keeps changing directions. You change direction but the sandstorm chases you. You turn again, but the storm adjusts. Over and over you play this out, like some ominous dance with death just before dawn. Why? Because this storm isn't something that blew in from far away, something that has nothing to do with you. This storm is you. Something inside of... you. So all you can do is give in to it, step right inside the storm, closing your eyes and plugging up your ears so the sand doesn't get in, and walk through it, step by step. There's no sun there, no moon, no direction, no sense of time. Just fine white sand swirling up into the sky like pulverized bones. That's the kind of sandstorm you need to imagine.
And you really will have to make it through that violent, metaphysical, symbolic storm. No matter how metaphysical or symbolic it might be, make no mistake about it: it will cut through flesh like a thousand razor blades. People will bleed there, and you will bleed too. Hot, red blood. You'll catch that blood in your hands, your own blood and the blood of others.
And once the storm is over you won't remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won't even be sure, in fact, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm you won't be the same person who walked in. That's what this storm's all about."
WoW - I have been praying for the words to describe the vulnerability I have been feeling. This was on my feed today. I have posted earlier, that FB is my 'social network' - how I keep in touch with family, friends and like, or notsomuch like-minded individuals around the world. It is Also my news and inspiration source. The www: has become an amazing place, and google has made so much information accessible - IF you know the correct wording for searching, or IF you remember the exact title correctly of something you once saw, or read, or what you hope to find.
I have been in more than one of these sandstorms. One might think One is enough. I am not so sure. I read somewhere, or was told by my therapist ( yes I have had a couple - who has not ? ) --- that Change occurs in our life directly because of, due to, or as a result of a Life Altering Event. And I have had several of those! Again, who has not ? I do not consider myself extraordinary ( Merriam Webster )/ 1 - going beyond what is usual, customary or regular; exceptional to a very marked extent/ 2 - employed for or sent on a special function or event ... let me get back to 2. As to 1, I stand with my belief. I have been told most recently, that my writings of my thoughts on certain subjects is "Great Stuff and What a mind I have, to Share" Which I have done. I am not accustomed to being put into a "spotlight" of sorts by doing so. I willingly share my thoughts and beliefs about subjects , especially when I have a profoundly strong affinity for my side. By that I mean, that most often, I am willing to hear, listen and investigate/ research, the opposing views on near any debate topic. Maybe debate is too strong, because oftentimes I have found that debating an idea where the opinion of one side cannot possibly be wrong or right moreso than the other is not really a debate. Hopefully it is a lively discussion. And, I have been convinced that my opinion was outmoded or outlived, not researched well enough and have changed my mind about my position. We are all entitled to that! There are subjects however, in which some people are so entrenched in their position and opinion on that position, that they will deliberately refuse to entertain any notion that anyone else could possibly have as good as, or better, an opinion that contradicts their own. So they joke about it. Or they are rude. Or they say "Yeah but ..." In one of my management classes, I learned that the best way to continue a conversation is to avoid at ALL costs the word "but" - it is a mental trapdoor that slams shut the possibility that anyone will listen to anything said or, in my case, read anything written after that word. Try writing a soliloquy without the word "but" !!! I am digressing again. Back to the sandstorm. I tend to think that having an opinion and being in a lively conversation or debate about such, is much like a sandstorm. Either one can peripherally listen or read in, and just kind of watch as if one were sitting on the sidelines at a 3 ring circus, or one can step into the storm and become part of the process of refuting all the "but"s and coming up with or presenting all the "ands" - this is the part I enjoy. Providing as many "ands" as possible. I often wonder how those who hold fast to their "buts" come out of that sandstorm different than when they went in. This then leads me to #2 of Merriam-Webster. I have often wondered, other than the spectacular miracle of being a mother of 2 lively and spirited young adults, what on earth am I here for? I am no longer married. As much as I adore my pets, they could equally love and give adoration to those who might adopt them if I were not here. Had I not survived, albeit belatedly, the cardiac event of 2007, I would not have 3 of the 5 pets I do. My bills would have been paid off by my life insurance, and any leftover monies given equally to my aforementioned miracles. L could have paid off her college debt. B would have, well I honestly do not know what he would have done , back then. He has matured a lifetime in the last 4 years. So, am I here in order to complete some kind of "special event"? I have joked before about becoming the Ann Landers or Oprah of FB ... and I really WAS joking. So then, this begs the question of why I am sought out. Why I send out prayers at bedtime for those people who have needs and the next day, I find streams of information on my FB wall that jump out at me, screaming to be read. And over and over again, I receive feedback, that that is exactly what that person or some person needed to read or see or hear that day. It lifted them up, gave them a boost, insight or, caused them to stop and read an "interesting viewpoint" they might not have otherwise considered. I think this is very honorable. It humbles me. And truly, as much as I am pleased that something I think is of value , is also considered of value by others, when really - they are not my thoughts or words but those that I just share and pass along from Gandhi, or Buddha, or the news, or whatever ... it strikes me as curious, how it is that I see this information and they do not. And, I also smile when I see that others are joining in the communities that I glean much of this forwarded information from. For peace and love are what really truly will mend this planet of ours. They mend hearts, souls and minds. They mend fences, tear down walls, build rapport and create lasting relationships. There is so much savagery and hate in this world, so if I am sent here to spread some love and peace, for this I am truly blessed. It does not pay the bills though !!! And, I am finding myself at another crossroads that I am not at all inclined to move through. Another sandstorm is following me, has been for a month now. It is getting closer and I realize I have to enter this one, with a clear focus of what the options are and what the ramifications of my decisions, if I even make one, will be once the storm is passed. This particular storm has left me without hunger or desire for food. Drained of energy. Wondering. Searching the internet for clues and answers and not finding them. A particular challenge that for me, as adept as I have been in the the past, is proving far more difficult than I expected. And, I also realize that once I step out of the storm, I will wonder what was so different about this one than the ones of the past. Each storm we step into is the mightiest one at that moment - no more nor less than the ones of the past or the ones of the future. Wonder if I will need a shovel ?
And you really will have to make it through that violent, metaphysical, symbolic storm. No matter how metaphysical or symbolic it might be, make no mistake about it: it will cut through flesh like a thousand razor blades. People will bleed there, and you will bleed too. Hot, red blood. You'll catch that blood in your hands, your own blood and the blood of others.
And once the storm is over you won't remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won't even be sure, in fact, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm you won't be the same person who walked in. That's what this storm's all about."
WoW - I have been praying for the words to describe the vulnerability I have been feeling. This was on my feed today. I have posted earlier, that FB is my 'social network' - how I keep in touch with family, friends and like, or notsomuch like-minded individuals around the world. It is Also my news and inspiration source. The www: has become an amazing place, and google has made so much information accessible - IF you know the correct wording for searching, or IF you remember the exact title correctly of something you once saw, or read, or what you hope to find.
I have been in more than one of these sandstorms. One might think One is enough. I am not so sure. I read somewhere, or was told by my therapist ( yes I have had a couple - who has not ? ) --- that Change occurs in our life directly because of, due to, or as a result of a Life Altering Event. And I have had several of those! Again, who has not ? I do not consider myself extraordinary ( Merriam Webster )/ 1 - going beyond what is usual, customary or regular; exceptional to a very marked extent/ 2 - employed for or sent on a special function or event ... let me get back to 2. As to 1, I stand with my belief. I have been told most recently, that my writings of my thoughts on certain subjects is "Great Stuff and What a mind I have, to Share" Which I have done. I am not accustomed to being put into a "spotlight" of sorts by doing so. I willingly share my thoughts and beliefs about subjects , especially when I have a profoundly strong affinity for my side. By that I mean, that most often, I am willing to hear, listen and investigate/ research, the opposing views on near any debate topic. Maybe debate is too strong, because oftentimes I have found that debating an idea where the opinion of one side cannot possibly be wrong or right moreso than the other is not really a debate. Hopefully it is a lively discussion. And, I have been convinced that my opinion was outmoded or outlived, not researched well enough and have changed my mind about my position. We are all entitled to that! There are subjects however, in which some people are so entrenched in their position and opinion on that position, that they will deliberately refuse to entertain any notion that anyone else could possibly have as good as, or better, an opinion that contradicts their own. So they joke about it. Or they are rude. Or they say "Yeah but ..." In one of my management classes, I learned that the best way to continue a conversation is to avoid at ALL costs the word "but" - it is a mental trapdoor that slams shut the possibility that anyone will listen to anything said or, in my case, read anything written after that word. Try writing a soliloquy without the word "but" !!! I am digressing again. Back to the sandstorm. I tend to think that having an opinion and being in a lively conversation or debate about such, is much like a sandstorm. Either one can peripherally listen or read in, and just kind of watch as if one were sitting on the sidelines at a 3 ring circus, or one can step into the storm and become part of the process of refuting all the "but"s and coming up with or presenting all the "ands" - this is the part I enjoy. Providing as many "ands" as possible. I often wonder how those who hold fast to their "buts" come out of that sandstorm different than when they went in. This then leads me to #2 of Merriam-Webster. I have often wondered, other than the spectacular miracle of being a mother of 2 lively and spirited young adults, what on earth am I here for? I am no longer married. As much as I adore my pets, they could equally love and give adoration to those who might adopt them if I were not here. Had I not survived, albeit belatedly, the cardiac event of 2007, I would not have 3 of the 5 pets I do. My bills would have been paid off by my life insurance, and any leftover monies given equally to my aforementioned miracles. L could have paid off her college debt. B would have, well I honestly do not know what he would have done , back then. He has matured a lifetime in the last 4 years. So, am I here in order to complete some kind of "special event"? I have joked before about becoming the Ann Landers or Oprah of FB ... and I really WAS joking. So then, this begs the question of why I am sought out. Why I send out prayers at bedtime for those people who have needs and the next day, I find streams of information on my FB wall that jump out at me, screaming to be read. And over and over again, I receive feedback, that that is exactly what that person or some person needed to read or see or hear that day. It lifted them up, gave them a boost, insight or, caused them to stop and read an "interesting viewpoint" they might not have otherwise considered. I think this is very honorable. It humbles me. And truly, as much as I am pleased that something I think is of value , is also considered of value by others, when really - they are not my thoughts or words but those that I just share and pass along from Gandhi, or Buddha, or the news, or whatever ... it strikes me as curious, how it is that I see this information and they do not. And, I also smile when I see that others are joining in the communities that I glean much of this forwarded information from. For peace and love are what really truly will mend this planet of ours. They mend hearts, souls and minds. They mend fences, tear down walls, build rapport and create lasting relationships. There is so much savagery and hate in this world, so if I am sent here to spread some love and peace, for this I am truly blessed. It does not pay the bills though !!! And, I am finding myself at another crossroads that I am not at all inclined to move through. Another sandstorm is following me, has been for a month now. It is getting closer and I realize I have to enter this one, with a clear focus of what the options are and what the ramifications of my decisions, if I even make one, will be once the storm is passed. This particular storm has left me without hunger or desire for food. Drained of energy. Wondering. Searching the internet for clues and answers and not finding them. A particular challenge that for me, as adept as I have been in the the past, is proving far more difficult than I expected. And, I also realize that once I step out of the storm, I will wonder what was so different about this one than the ones of the past. Each storm we step into is the mightiest one at that moment - no more nor less than the ones of the past or the ones of the future. Wonder if I will need a shovel ?
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