Labor Day poem, date unknown, 2011

It takes a lot of courage
It calls for strength of mind
To make a new beginning...
And leave the past behind.

To build upon the ruins
To dream another dream
To set forth in the darkness
Towards a distant gleam.

To suffer many losses
Yet faithful to remain
To rise above disaster
And then begin again……..

by Lorna McCulloch~ Survivor ~

Well, I wrote for a long time yesterday and that will stay in Draft for awhile.  I have almost released darn near everything I can think of - what has come to the top these last 2 months, give or take a few.  I asked for a spiritual cleansing and boy did I get one.  With school done, L's wedding done, and with the intention of studying for my national cert. - I thought I would have That Done by now.  However, the cleansing must have been more important.   Many emotions have roiled up inside .  There were changes occuring while I was still in clinicals and I kept suppressing  them, as I  did not feel I had the time to deal with them.   And of course, I know that was not a good idea, I just had hoped it would not kick my bum so damn hard when I could let it out .... holy cowbells.   So glad I can write this down without having to justify or explain it to anyone.  Leaving the past behind, can be a physically exhausting challenge and is one that requires mindful and objective focus.  This is an emotional journey that can either mire a person in regret, or can allow for the release of "baggage" that is not necessary for the future journey, and certainly cramps our Now style.   This is what I have been doing, and many " moments, people, events, and places " have bubbled up and spilled out.  I know for awhile my Shug did not want to leave my feet - bless her heart, such a powerful and devoted angel my bully is!  I love her so, and she's a healer too.  My kitties walk all over me in the morning - I just wish they weighed more so they could give me a walking massage !!!  The other two furbabies just want to be love touched.  I am blessed.   Lets see - I think it unnecessary to enumerate the losses, for I believe that in losing, one actually gains. 

I watched several videos, one sent by a friend, of eagles and hawks flying unfettered - in one video, 2 gents take off to parasail about 8000 feet over the Grand Canyon, while the rider has a goody bag of raw meat for the hawk that flies to his hand, lands and eats, and then floats away  --- and this goes on and on while these 2 men are parasailing over the canyon - its simply breathtaking and poignant.  Remarkable.  I may post the link here.  My point is though, that being that free to float and soar on the winds is very much synonymous with letting go of the past and making new beginnings to set forth for the journey.  

The emotions that spring up when a certain person, whom I have yet to meet or hear, and I have contact are still present and still puzzles me - thankfully, I have worked through them enough that I can bank those coals for now.  I realize that whatever "it" is will manifest in the order of the Universe and there is not much point in my questioning what it all means.   Just let it be and let it happen.  ... rather pointless chasing wisps of smoke right now.  

I can say with the highest probability ever, that all the non familial men of my past have been released and this feels very good.   That cliche "Those from the past that did not make it to the now, are not meant to be part of the future" truly does apply.  And I finally realize too, as my daughter has so often said "I am both very very intelligent and some quite crazy too",! ~ feels pretty darn good.  She does not mean certifiable, although my kids joke about that enough!  They do mean, that my wisdom and insight For them and For others is beyond definition or description, ergo, crazy!  That my way of behaving and treating other people in my life, in public and in my family - this is Me this is Who I am and although sometimes wacky, goofy, crazy or inane, I simply Am who I am and so be it as long as no harm done !  Which I try very hard to live by.  

To be able to walk forward now, knowing that the tethers are coiled and released back to their owners, they are no longer attached to me - this is a very wonderful and very remarkable emotion and I thank my Dad very much for the directions and assistance.  I get so forgetful and sometimes miss the tree because all I can see is the forest.  Or all I see is one tree when I would get a much better picture for looking at the forest - do not be confused, there is a huge difference.  It is all about depth of perception, contrast, and focus. 

If we focus on all the wrongs from the past, we are redirecting negative energies back into ourselves.  This perpetuates a negative imbalance that can quickly become a more permanent state of existence - and this is truly Very Unhealthy.   We really should service our Souls more to the pursuit of a state of healthy attitude in the Now.  Accepting that all that we have known, done, been, seen, touched, felt, observed, assimilated in the past - all the baggage that came along with those experiences was not our baggage to bring forward.  And creating baggage when there is none is even worse.  Lighten the load and drop everyone elses, every thing elses' baggage right now.  Just do it.   There is no real benefit to having to carry anything except ourselves.    "" ~Unless we know the road we are travelling, we will not know upon which path to go ~ ""  So in walking the road we are on, this journey that is more important than any destination, we have the God given ability to choose our direction, which path we will take.   This choosing is part of the Divine lesson of past lives' karma, being paid forward, to learn these lessons now, so that karma created and released, remains here and does not become baggage ... I think I am repeating myself, as there are so many ways to explain my thoughts.

I have no idea what tomorrow will bring.  Some would say that one must have goals, aspirations, short term destinations and long term destinations to plan and achieve.  And I feel right now, that this is not what is right for me.  I will study to pass my exam.  And I will stop questioning whether this was the right path to take.  I can make a difference in that field of laboratory science if/when there is the opportunity to do so, it will be there for me.  I am feeling very unfettered.  Wishing I could name all of whom has been released and realizing how the Universe has already received who they are.  If this could be, also true, for the boy who calls me Maa.  I ask the Divine to lighten his path, to show him his alternatives to open doors and windows, that his horizons expand and opportunities exponentially grow.  You gave us each, a second chance at life,  and I have asked before that the reasons for this Gift be available ... Universe does not always grant wishes and I understand this.  Shining the light, this is not too much to ask, so that we both see the options.  Rising above the ashes of what was the past life, I feel ready to move ahead and seek your Divine guidance, in dream state or otherwise, please shine upon the options available. 

~ Blessings Be in Light and Love ~ Namaste ~ Om Mane Padme Uhm ~