Buddha taught that if we are ever to wake up to our own humanity it must be in this very moment. By keeping a don’t know mind when we are doing something, we can just do it. When driving, we just drive; when eating, we can just eat; when working we can just work.
Eventually our don’t know-mind will become clear. ~~ Rev. Yuánzhì Dàoqīng ~~
Okay, I admit it. Very guilty of raising my kids to use the word "I" versus using the word "You" most specifically in debate / confrontation / stand up for yourself kinds of ways. After all, when using the "You" in any kind of "heated discussion" , whether it be self abasement or with at least one other person or more -- it certainly creates a block in the receiver's mind and shuts down the communication loop. The message does not get fully conveyed , or rather I should say fully received, because the receiver does not want to hear anymore with that damn guilt trip word "You" ... geessshhh.
Without realizing this simple concept above, at least in the conscious mode of thinking in the last year or so, I have created mental blocks for myself. I am at one of those right now. I thought it was a crossroads and certainly it could be viewed as such. The truth is ... taking this national certification exam is scary because the passing is paramount. It IS the only way to get a job and keep a job along with ones performance, etc. The fact that the baby boomers eligible to retire in laboratory sciences are NOT doing so because of the economy, and the job opps are not out there because hospitals are making do with less people ... well, that is simple economics and not anything any I or You can do about it. So I read today the President has a plan to make retirement more cushy for the baby boomers to encourage them to get on out of that rat race called work, and go ahead and retire so that a million jobs can be created. Please take note of the fact that 1/ there are no blue lips, nailbeds or bulging eyeballs here because 2/ "I" am not holding my breath on that one. (see 1/ ) Simply put, I have to wonder what the hell am I doing putting myself through all this stress of a deadline to take this damn test. Because honestly, where the hell am I going once I do ??? The housing economy is awful, starkly put - its quite darn scary. Selling this place so I can move seems like very slim pickings. As much as "I" want to move back to where the sun is shiny and warm, the cool ocean breezes are balmy and margaritas are plentiful ... the fact is, Selling has to come before or along with Moving. And both have to come along or after Acquiring a Job. Getting by on retirement annuity and alimony is not going to get my savings account growing over the next 40 years. So this leads me back to what I posted above about the "I dont know mind" to paraphrase Buddha. I did leave quite abit out of that transfer of post up there, such as the concept of "Do you control your thinking, or does your thinking control you" <<< I posted that on FB , did not get many takers on it either >>> Because we are mostly happy just boot scootin' along and dotting the "i"s and crossing the "t"s in our lives ... Alarm (x), coffee (x), shower (x), breakfast (x), drive to work (x) or stay home to work (x), 8, 9, 10, 12 hour days (x), home and feed / water the pets (x), read the mail or more like rifle through it (x), make some dinner (x), if there is a significant other have some kind of discourse (x), off to bed (x) sleep to do it again in 8,6 or 4 hours ......... GAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWDD ....... Thats LIFE. Dadgum do I really want to go back to that? I am almost 51 - at the age where after working for 32 years ( give or take a couple months) I should think , therefore maybe I am, eligible to NOT have to go BACK to that ??? Could I possibly consider an alternative ? Is it possible to just sell and move in a few months or so, and just live down there instead of here ? At the very least, I would be able to go watch the sunset at the beach. I could make my jewelry and do my artwork and maybe or maybe not sell it to the tourists ... at the very least, I would be in the same locale as my buddies from high school. Talking to them on FB is just not the same as in person. This is the dilemma of my "I" mind instead of having a "dont know" mind ....... I am throwing up these arguements and not getting anywhere ... my kids and my parents tell me -- I went to school, paid the tuition, studied my bum off and I should take the dang test - it IS the finale of it all. But then what ? How long after I pass the test, are the results that I passed Valid ??? How long do I wait, or do I work the per diem jobs where I could be hired for a couple weeks to a couple months before I get shuffled off back home to look for another per diem. Seriously - the health and life insurance is a moot point since I have that covered already. Getting a 401k going again would be nice, but really ??? in this economy what is it going to make compared to a CD ?? or buying penny stock or treasury bonds < laugh track inserted here > ... Buddha save me from this merry-go-round of "I" mindedness ........... which one of these yo-yo's is the "dont know" ???
